Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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