You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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