I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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