it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
