my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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