I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
