I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
