im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
