Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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