I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
