I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
