Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize