I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
