i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
