mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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