planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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