perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
