I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
