just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
