We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
