Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
