FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
