You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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