Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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