Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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