I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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