Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
