I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
