i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
