Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize