So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
