Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
