well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
