she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
