Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
