I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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