why didn't you poke me back
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
