Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
