she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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