I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
