the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
