I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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