I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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