Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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