i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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