so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
