My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
