I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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