I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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