they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
