I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
