i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
