I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
