Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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