We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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