And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
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