Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
