I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
