he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
