dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
