he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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