I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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