careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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