1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
