I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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