My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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