You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
