I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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