dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
