dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We just shotgunned beers for America
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
