im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
