i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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