Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
