bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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