it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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