i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
birth control should be required to get into college
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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