I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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