I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This is my gift to your gina
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
