I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think a kid would responsible me up
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
